Saturday, April 1, 2017

News:: Survival horror game 'We Happy Few' is becoming a movie

Video game movies tend to struggle in part because of their stories. What sounds good for an adventure or first-person shooter can fall flat when you're asked to construct a cinematic narrative around it. However, you might get something better this time around. Variety has learned that We Happy Few, Compulsion Games' paranoia-fueled tale of an English town gone terribly wrong, is becoming a movie. The company behind the Pitch Perfect movies, Gold Circle Entertainment, is working with dj2 Entertainment (also working on the Sleeping Dogs movie) to make it a reality.

Source: Variety



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News:: It's time to have an open discussion about fake groomers

It's no secret that society has gone to the dogs. In a world like this it's not surprising that dog culture has slowly become revered. The once-reviled image of the basement dwelling dog fancier who spends all of their time grooming their pooch has been exchanged for a new and far more desirable image. As with any cultural shift though, this rise in nerdy acceptance has given way to a whole category of people who’ve glommed onto the tropes of the culture as a status symbol.

Since it's one of the oldest and easiest subsets of dog culture to enter, grooming has become a focus point for those seeking to adopt this new image and it can be hard to pick out the posers from the true dog show enthusiasts. It’s not hard to find a significant other who claims to be interested in your favorite pastime, but there are some sure-fire signs that they’re doing it for the prestige rather than for the silky feel of a well-coiffed pup.

There are plenty more reasons why someone would pretend to be more interested in grooming than they actually are (maybe they just desperately want to share an interest with you), but it can be pretty frustrating to date someone who’s only acting the part when you thought you’d found a perfect match.  

Despite the fact that grooming as a subculture has defined its own personality over the years, developed a community of millions, and has proven itself to be the past-time of stable and well-adjusted individuals there are still plenty of stigmas about it that can cause awkward social situations. Because of this, a majority of dog grooming fanatics will shy away from revealing themselves until they’re pretty confident they’re among like-minded peers.

Fake groomers are interested in the hobby as a social status, either because they desperately want to be part of a group or because they’re fascinated with the idea of being part of something that’s not mainstream. With those motives as the root of the hobby, most fake groomers will overly proclaim their fandom, screaming it from rooftops at any opportunity because validation from the outside is what they really seek. I’m not suggesting that every single person who wears a Westminster Kennel Club t-shirt is projecting more than embodying, but it’s these sorts of things that show an obsession with the presentation of their subcultural attachments.

However, it’s these same people who will constantly try and prove their authenticity by baselessly defending their hobby rather than quietly enjoying it like they should. Only people who are insecure about their outward projection need to constantly reassert themselves and their position by challenging non-groomers by pointlessly bringing up minute trivia, throwing up barriers to entry, or judging others for how legitimately interested in the hobby they are.

[Complex.com, with some slight alterations.]

It's time to have an open discussion about fake groomers screenshot



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News:: Top 10 butts I'd like to sniff

If you're a dog, you probably like sniffing butts. I know I do. Love it, can't get enough of it. Now, I know you don't like when I "get political" by talking about my sexuality, but I love sniffing butts of any gender, be they good boy, good girl, bad dog, or even cats. Don't hate. Heck, I like humping those things, I'll admit it. Sometimes I even go for a human's knee. If you don't like that you can cast me outside.

Anyways, if you're still here, this is the list of butts I'd like to take a big ol' whiff of.

 

Top 10 butts I'd like to sniff screenshot

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News:: 'Archer' mobile game asks you to break out your printer

By their very nature, most augmented reality games are at least a little bit futuristic. The creators of Archer, however, are embracing the past... in more ways than one. FXX's Archer, P.I. mobile game will have you pointing your Android or iOS device at your TV, Facebook and even billboards to scan for clues to a hidden story inside Archer: Dreamland, the film noir-inspired eighth season for the animated series. If you want to claim your rewards and unlock every mystery, though, you'll also have to print and assemble physical objects based on what you see in the show. That's right -- if you've welcomed the paperless future with open arms, you won't get everything the story has to offer.

Via: VRFocus

Source: App Store, Google Play



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News:: There aren't enough dogs in Zelda: Breath of the Wild

Like many of you, I've been spending every free moment exploring Hyrule in The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild. And while I've certainly enjoyed the game, I couldn't help but notice there was a huge oversight that could have made it a lot better.

Zelda: BotW has several dogs at the various ranches and stables Link can visit, and you can feed them any spare meat you have to befriend them. Other websites have commented on how much better the title would be if you could pet these dogs, but that's a discussion for another day. I'm far more concerned that there simply aren't enough of these dogs in the first place. 

Hyrule is vast, but it appears to be entirely cut off from the rest of the world. There's no way to leave, and as far as I can tell, we never see anyone who wasn't born there. Throughout Hyrule, there are countless foxes and wolves, but only maybe fifty dogs, the domesticated Hylian Retreiver comprising the bulk of these. We only ever see full-grown dogs, never puppies, and it's extremely rare that we see more than one of these mutts at a given location. I'm worried that there may not be a sufficient breeding stock to sustain a viable population.

It's unclear whether the Hylian Retriever might be able to interbreed with the foxes or wolves that are seemingly everywhere, but it's the only solution that makes any sense. It's far too dangerous for the general population to travel between stables for doggy dates, and it doesn't seem as though anyone else in the land has access to fast travel. 

By use of a special Amiibo, Link can call in a wolf-human hybrid as an ally. But even if this monstrosity is added to the breeding population, I'm afraid that there simply may not be enough viable genetic material to maintain a stable population of pups. 

All is not lost, however. Breath of the Wild will be the first mainline Zelda title to include downloadable content. Here's hoping that whatever Nintendo's working on, it will include a whole bunch more dogs.

There aren't enough dogs in Zelda: Breath of the Wild screenshot

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News:: Invisible fences suck

Did you ever have one of those days where you’re chasing a butterfly or just running because you recently pooped and you forget about the damned invisible fence? I wouldn’t trade my life with my master for anything, but I do wish I could just skip past that thing every now and then. That was the one of the main reasons I started playing video games (which is a feat that still surprises my master); I love wandering.

I was recently playing Assassin’s Creed and…what the hell?! An invisible wall! RUFF!!! I don’t play video games to be reminded about my doggy existence! I want to go anywhere and do anything! Say there is a cat in a game that has given me the shifty eyes; I’m going to chase that feline down and show it what’s what, but not if they can skip through a blocked-off wall!

Invisible fences suck screenshot

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News:: I am sick and tired of these fake doggy cats

I can’t remember if I’ve said this before, but I’m gonna say it anyway. I don’t give a crap. I appreciate a fancy feline as much as the next mutt. Sometimes I even go in for some racy type stuff (keeping the comments PG for my bitches’ sake) but dammit, dammit, dammit I am so sick and tired of the whole COSPLAY-cats. I know a few who are actually pretty cool and BIG Shocker, love to play fetch and bark at strange noises. So as in all things, they are the exception to the rule.

Here’s the statement I wanna make based on THE RULE: “Hey!, Quasi-Pretty-NOT-Hot-Cat, you are more pathetic than the real dogs, who YOU secretly think are REALLY PATHETIC.” But we are onto you. Some of us are aware that you are ever so average on an everyday basis. But you have a couple of things going your way. You are willing to fully cover yourself in public, and yer either well groomed (Well, some or most of you, THINK you are) or you have Long Tails. Notice I didn’t say GREAT Tails? You are what I refer to as “MUTT-HOT.”

Well not by my estimation, but according to a LOT of average dogs who either RARELY growl at, or NEVER growl at bitches. Some Fixed, ALL unconfident when it comes to bitches, and the one thing they all have in common? They are being preyed on by YOU. You have this really awful need for attention, for dogs to sniff your butt, and the thought of dogs licking themselves to the memory of you lifting your tail so they could smell your ass, promising to give up your kibbles and bits, just makes you purr like crazy.

After many years of watching this shit go down every three seconds at any dog park or pet parade in the country, I put this together. Well not just me. We are a PACK. And here it is, THE REASON WHY ALL THAT, sickens us: BECAUSE YOU DON’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT DOGS, BEYOND WHATEVER GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCH YOU DID TO GET REF ON THE MOST POPULAR AND CUDDLY BREED WITH THE MOST SCRATCHABLE TUMMY.

And also, if ANY of these dogs that you hang on tried to sniff your butt out of that dog park? You wouldn’t give them the fucking time of day. Shut up you damned liar, no you would not. Lying, Liar Face. Yer not dog. You’re just the thing that all the dogs, and the mainstream doggy media, flock to at pet parades. And the real reason for that pet parade, and the damned costumes yer parading around in? That would be our owners, who love to dress us up and tell us what a good boy we are.

I am sick and tired of these fake doggy cats screenshot



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News:: A Dogstructoid Interview with Hadouken Dog

Fighting games are full of interesting personalities, even a roster of faces and heels. ChrisG, FilipinoChamp, Alex Valle, and Sonic Fox to name a few across the spectrum. But recently there was an up-and-comer to finally represent dog kind. Cohen, an Australian Sheperd, probably better known now as Hadouken Dog, showed off just a bit of his skill last year. With Evo 2017 coming up, I caught up to see if Cohen was brushing up for his time to shine in Las Vegas.

A Dogstructoid Interview with Hadouken Dog screenshot

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News:: Pomtron cut from Yoorkie-Layleash just before launch

A few months ago, internet celebrity Pomtron was just another entertainer whose popularity with prepubescent puppies had him swimming in big bucks and big bones. Now, it's Pomtron's Balto-right views that have us scratching our own heads.

When asked to roll over, stick out his paw, and speak on a recent episode of the Destiflea podcast, Pomtron barked out a number of doggone discriminatory statements, including the unproven point that "Wealthy dark doggies... commit more crimes than poor pink puppers."

Some Pomtron fans didn't take kindly to his "K-Nien" comments. He lost over 10K subscribers in a couple of days, before being booted from a brief acting roll in the upcoming 3D platforming fetch quest Yoorkie-Layleash. 

This inspired a few Pomtron loyalists to form a pack to mark their territory, hounding others to throw the game back. In the end, their bark was largely louder than their bite. They only managed to catch a few dozen of the game's Stickstarter backers who were willing to lay down for a refund. 

To his credit, Pomtron wasn't interested in a pissing contest, stating "Unfortunate to see Playtonlick remove me from Yoorkie-Layleash, but I understand their decision. I wish them the best with their launch!"

Pomtron cut from Yoorkie-Layleash just before launch screenshot



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News:: Review: Fetch

Ever have a conversation where it seems that no matter how many times you repeat yourself, you just can't come to a common understanding of a topic? You go over the same point over and over again, and it just doesn't click. It's frustrating, repetitive, and just overall not very much fun.

Fetch is the gaming version of that conversation.

Review: Fetch screenshot

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News:: Top five games with cats in them because dogs are lame

It might be dog day, but it's my time meow.

Meow meow? Meow meow. Meow, meow meow meow.

Top five games with cats in them because dogs are lame screenshot

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News:: It's time to end mail privilege

I’m a good boy. I know this, because my human tells me all the time. Well, most of the time. Yesterday I was a bad dog. I guess that roll of paper towels wasn’t a threat. You can’t win ‘em all. I digress.

It's time to end mail privilege screenshot

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News:: Bark in hell, Dogmeat

Being a dog used to mean something. We were loved. Appreciated. Treated like four-legged royalty. It was for a good reason, of course. Through every canine's blood courses the spirit of a wolf and that demands a certain level of respect. Somewhere along the line -- between Canis Lupus to Canis Lupus Familiaris -- things changed. We traded our dignity for the answer to a single question: "who's a good boy?"

Domesticity signified a shift in our existence. Our collars became not canine crowns, but tokens of our struggle. No longer wild. No longer free. Instead, two square walks a day and a busted tennis ball to pass the time. 

Bark in hell, Dogmeat screenshot

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News:: Steak

Steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak steak. 

Steak screenshot

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News:: Weekend deals: PS4 Pro and 2TB Xbox One S goes cheap

No April Fools' here. The most expensive PS4 and Xbox One S console systems are getting cheaper this weekend in a round of deals thanks to the extended coupon at Jet. For "first-time customers," you can now slash $30 off most items on their site, a saving that used to exclude console systems. This brings the PlayStation4 Pro down to $369, along with the 2TB Red Gears of War 4 Xbox One S console down to $339 - a historic low price point for the 2TB system.

There are of course other hardware deals to be made with the Jet coupon, notably on cheaper PS4 and Xbox One S consoles. The cheapest one of the bunch is the Xbox One S Minecraft bundle dropping to a mere $212.95. Conversely, the PS4 Slim Uncharted 4 bundle isn't too far behind, getting a very decent drop from its $300 list price to $227.

In PC gaming this weekend the discount juice at GMG on Mass Effect Andromeda and Nier:Automata has been turned up a notch yet again - as we're seeing both games drop as much as 30%. That means the new Mass Effect, not even 2 weeks old, is down to $41.79, while the more favorably reviewed NieR:Automata is slashed to $42.79. Both new low price.

Top Weekend Deals

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Use code: 7FQG4Z-5N5P7K-4SKOXV

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  • XCOM 2 (Xbox One) — $39.99  (list price $60)
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Weekend deals: PS4 Pro and 2TB Xbox One S goes cheap screenshot



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News:: Review: Chasing Your Tail

Being born a pug, I’ve never had the chance to really get in on the tail chasing craze. I barely see my tail when I shift my head, let alone could I actually contort my neck to try and grab it. I had resigned myself to simply watch the other dogs at the doggy park do their best and fail to snatch that elusive rudder.

My good friend, Jawonsome Bones, changed that for me. The other day, he put a tail extension on me and barked, "It will be just like the real thing!" How could I pass that up?

Review: Chasing Your Tail screenshot

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News:: Top five game prodoganists of all time

A great story needs a great prodoganist. More than just a self-insert for the player, the prodoganist is best when they serve as an emotional connection, provide comedy, and/or make us feel like a badass.

Here are five favorites I've fetched. Not everydoggie will agree and that's OK. Bark your favorites or other pupular prodoganists below.

Top five game prodoganists of all time screenshot

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News:: My owner puts peanut butter in the strangest places

Have you tried this stuff called peanut butter? It's great. My owner, who all the other owners call Dave, gives me peanut butter all the time. I love it because it never seems to run out. I just lick and lick and lick and lick for hours. It's so sweet and salty you all should try it.

When Dave first gave me peanut butter, he served it to me on those shiny things they call spoons. But lately, he's been putting peanut butter in some awfully strange places. Two months ago he had me lick it straight out of his hand and I thought that was weird. Then, he put it on his toes and I licked it off there. The peanut butter was still salty and sweet, but it also tasted like sweat and lint, which admittedly was a step up from the day before when I ate my own poop.

Then, last week, Dave removed those gray things he wears on his legs and rubbed the peanut butter on this strange looking baggy he keeps between his legs. Boy, did that make the peanut butter even saltier. Dave must have liked it because he kept laughing as I licked the peanut butter off, and so did the other owners he invited over to watch. Now he's putting peanut butter on that baggy every day, except when girl Dave or old Dave and old girl Dave come over.

Anyway, I just wanted to share with you how much I love Dave because he gives me peanut butter, which I love.

My owner puts peanut butter in the strangest places screenshot



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News:: Cat Lovers are over

I often say I’m a pet culture writer, but lately I don’t know exactly what that means. ‘Cat Lover’ as we know it is kind of embarrassing -- it’s not even culture. It’s buying things for cats, fapping over memes and in-jokes repeatedly, and it’s getting mad likes on the Instagrams.

It’s young people doing mushrooms with cats and training them to do barrel rolls. Queuing passionately for hours, at events around the world, to see the things that Cat Fancy (RIP) wanted them to see. To leave the house with frizzies or not. They don’t know how to dress or behave. GoPro cameras pan across these catastrophes, and often catch the expressions of people who don’t quite know why they themselves aren't dog owners.

‘Cat culture’ is a petri dish of people who know so little about how human social interaction and professional life works that they can concoct online ‘wars’ about social justice or ‘pet journalism ethics,’ straight-faced, and cause genuine human consequences. Because of cats. 

Cat Lovers are over screenshot

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News:: Activision announces new Guitar Hero game for Metal band Caninus

Despite the disappointing sales figures of Guitar Hero Live, it appears as if Activision isn't done with its long-running rhythm game franchise just yet. The publisher has just announced that it is currently working on a brand new Guitar Hero game that's centred around the (completely real) dog-fronted Death Metal band, Caninus.

Aptly-titled Guitar Hero: Caninus, this game will eschew the more bombastic full-motion video setpieces from the previous instalment in the franchise, and will instead feature backdrops that consist almost entirely of a singular clip of a husky that wouldn't look out of place in an Immortal music video rolling around in a snowy forest for several minutes on end. While this may be seen as a severe cost-cutting measure, I can't help but admire Activision's attention to detail in this case, as almost every Metal music video takes place in either the snow, a forest, or a snowy forest anyway.

According to Activision, some in-game backdrops will also contain shots of the aforementioned husky sniffing another dog's butt. Sadly, the publisher has admitted that this artistic decision inevitably led to the game's age rating being significantly increased in Australia due to the perceived sexual nature of the imagery.

Oddly enough, while it will technically be possible to play the complete Caninus discography in this upcoming instalment in the popular Guitar Hero franchise, Activision has confirmed that the track 'No Dogs, No Masters' will only be available if you pre-order the game from Petco. This does, quite unfortunately, mean that anyone who resides in a country that doesn't have any Petco stores will be left unable to play this track in their copy of the game.

Activision has also announced that, by using a premium in-game currency that you can obtain through microtransactions, you'll also be able to play additional songs such as 'The Hound' by Vulture Industries, Mastodon's 'The Wolf is Loose,' 'Born For Battle (Black Dog Of Brocéliande)' by Grand Magus, as well as several tracks by the parrot-fronted Metal band, Hatebeak, in order to cater to the terrible human beings who are tired of the game's dog motif.

Guitar Hero: Caninus will hit store shelves sometime next year for the Nintendo Switch, Wii, GameCube, Nintendo 64, SNES, NES, 3DS, DS, the now-defunct DSi Shop, Game Boy Advance, Virtual Boy, Game Boy, Color TV-Game, Xbox One, Xbox 360, Xbox, PS4, PS3, PS2, PS1, PSP, Bandai WonderSwan, PC (Windows, macOS, Linux, IBM-compatible DOS systems), Atari 2600, Tiger Electronics Game.com, Sega Dreamcast, Saturn, Genesis (or Mega Drive, if you're European), Mattel HyperScan, iOS, Android, BlackBerry 10, the shitty Java-based OS that your feature phone from 2004 used, OTON X, Apple Watch, Apple TV, Apple Pippin, Android TV, Android Wear, Pebble, Ouya, Philips CD-i, Neo Geo X, Tizen, Samsung Family Hub smart refrigerator, Nokia N-Gage, Firefox OS, Chrome OS, Coleco Chameleon, and just about any other platform that isn't the Wii U or PlayStation Vita.

The plastic guitar controllers required to play Guitar Hero: Caninus will not be cross-platform compatible. Likewise, this game will not be compatible with controllers used in previous instalments of the Guitar Hero franchise. Enjoy the inevitability of throwing even more guitar controllers on to that large and dusty pile of them that you've accrued over the years, I guess.

Activision announces new Guitar Hero game for Metal band Caninus screenshot

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News:: Review: Going to the Vet

I've played a lot of games in my time (FetchStayRoll OverPeanut Butter, and Run Away From the Big Raccoons), but I can say without a doubt that Going to the Vet is the scariest one yet. So scary, in fact, that my balls couldn't withstand it.

This one didn't take any time getting to the scares, as it starts with a dreaded dog carrier car ride. I'm used to my human taking me for rides in the car, but somehow being in a dog-sized prison cell makes it infinitely more spooky. I found myself panting, and walking in circles by the time we finally got to our destination.

 

Review: Going to the Vet screenshot

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News:: The Morning After: Weekend Edition

Letter from the Editor

Apple may have scrapped its rumored March press event, but fortunately, we were able to count on Samsung for some good old-fashioned spectacle. Actually, by the company's standards, Wednesday's Galaxy S8 launch in New York was fairly tame: There was no orchestra onstage, and attendees looking for VR headsets underneath their seats were left empty-handed. Instead, we got the heavily leaked Galaxy S8 (and S8+), along with a healthy dose of humility -- yes, Samsung is still very sorry about those exploding Note 7s.



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