I can’t remember if I’ve said this before, but I’m gonna say it anyway. I don’t give a crap. I appreciate a fancy feline as much as the next mutt. Sometimes I even go in for some racy type stuff (keeping the comments PG for my bitches’ sake) but dammit, dammit, dammit I am so sick and tired of the whole COSPLAY-cats. I know a few who are actually pretty cool and BIG Shocker, love to play fetch and bark at strange noises. So as in all things, they are the exception to the rule.
Here’s the statement I wanna make based on THE RULE: “Hey!, Quasi-Pretty-NOT-Hot-Cat, you are more pathetic than the real dogs, who YOU secretly think are REALLY PATHETIC.” But we are onto you. Some of us are aware that you are ever so average on an everyday basis. But you have a couple of things going your way. You are willing to fully cover yourself in public, and yer either well groomed (Well, some or most of you, THINK you are) or you have Long Tails. Notice I didn’t say GREAT Tails? You are what I refer to as “MUTT-HOT.”
Well not by my estimation, but according to a LOT of average dogs who either RARELY growl at, or NEVER growl at bitches. Some Fixed, ALL unconfident when it comes to bitches, and the one thing they all have in common? They are being preyed on by YOU. You have this really awful need for attention, for dogs to sniff your butt, and the thought of dogs licking themselves to the memory of you lifting your tail so they could smell your ass, promising to give up your kibbles and bits, just makes you purr like crazy.
After many years of watching this shit go down every three seconds at any dog park or pet parade in the country, I put this together. Well not just me. We are a PACK. And here it is, THE REASON WHY ALL THAT, sickens us: BECAUSE YOU DON’T KNOW SHIT ABOUT DOGS, BEYOND WHATEVER GOOGLE IMAGE SEARCH YOU DID TO GET REF ON THE MOST POPULAR AND CUDDLY BREED WITH THE MOST SCRATCHABLE TUMMY.
And also, if ANY of these dogs that you hang on tried to sniff your butt out of that dog park? You wouldn’t give them the fucking time of day. Shut up you damned liar, no you would not. Lying, Liar Face. Yer not dog. You’re just the thing that all the dogs, and the mainstream doggy media, flock to at pet parades. And the real reason for that pet parade, and the damned costumes yer parading around in? That would be our owners, who love to dress us up and tell us what a good boy we are.
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