Sunday, December 17, 2017

News:: Have you ever settled an argument with video games?

This past week, I was handed a story from Soranews24 of a tweet about a Japanese father. What followed was his own personal chronicle of how he met his daughter's boyfriend and challenged him to a match of Guilty Gear as a show of dominance, which ended about as badly as you can imagine.

This past week, I was handed a story from Rocketnews24 of a tweet story about a Japanese father. What followed was his own personal chronicle of how he met his daughter's boyfriend and challenged him to a match of Guilty Gear as a show of dominance, which ended about as badly as you can imagine.
While yes, he won the set 10-6, his gloating was a bit much for his family and his junior high daughter. He ended up with no dinner and got kicked out of the house just because he's been playing Guilty Gear since 1998 and proved his personal vendetta against Slayer mains. Still, it's impressive he had anything in common at all with the young man who was seeing his daughter, even if he used it as a vehicle to shame him and see if he was worthy of dating his daughter.
Ok, so the true worth of this particular story is a man with a family played Guilty Gear with the new generation of gamer, even if he did it confrontationally. But with a byline like, "He's not fit to be my daughter's boyfriend," Dad declares after witnessing junior high boy's lack of fighting game skills," it immediately makes me think of all the times I was mad enough at someone to tell them to turn on your damn 3DS, you are not hot shit with Diddy Kong, let's go. The motto was built into that game after all. "Settle it in Smash!"
My favorite aspect about a fighting game is that we're both playing within the confines and rules of this specific video game, on an even playing field with only our reaction speeds and execution to prove whose better. I've settled who was buying pizza next at a party with Marvel 3. I've had some friendly matches with TheBlondeBass regarding character choice in Guilty Gear Xrd after his art exhibition went up. I think I've once told my wife the winner in a game of Injustice gets to choose the restaurant we'd go out to for date night.
Of course fighting games aren't the only venue this happens with. I think any normal, well-adjusted adult is used to throwing insults and bets in Mario Kart. While I'm wary of expecting a fair outcome when item choice can rubber band wildly between a banana peel or a blue shell, at least more people can get involved in matters of opinions splintering a group apart.
So fair reader, what kind of arguments have you settled with video games? And what games have you used to frame your superior ideas or dissenting thought processes? Thinking on it, with the Switch now out for a while now, it can become an instant dueling machine. Can't decide on a movie with a friend? Put your Switch into portable mode, hand your friend a joy-con, fire up Ultra Street Fighter II (or the upcoming Street Fighter 30th Anniversary Edition), and put your friend and their shitty taste in movies in their place. I can see it now: Makoto versus Dudley in 3rd Strike, a streaming party of Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Main versus Steins;Gate.

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News:: Game protagonists are old farts now and that's okay

[I was still in my twenties the first time I read this blog. At exactly two months into my thirties, this feels more relevant than ever.  In the newest entry for our Who Let The Blogs Out initiative, where we promote older blogs that may have been overlooked the first time around, SpielerDad gives us a good, stern talking to about some of the aging characters in video games. – Kevin]

Getting older is not as bad as people make it out to be. Take it from me, as someone who has been on this merry-go-round called earth over thirty-six times. Complaining about it is so cliché anyway.

Sure, my muscles ache a bit more than they used to, and my peaches hang down a little lower, and my beard has a touch of grey here and there, but you learn to deal. Perhaps the worst part was the thinning of my long beautiful mane of hair, but I just started shaving all that shit off. Now I’m a sexy bald man, like the late, great Telly Savalas.

Game protagonists are old farts now and that's okay screenshot

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News:: Review: Gorogoa

I didn’t hear about Gorogoa until I read an article about its creator, Jason Roberts, and his seven-year journey developing this game. It intrigued me, as did the art in the screenshots, and I felt I owed it to him in some way to play this passion project. Spending seven years is a long damn time to work on a single game.

Gorogoa proves it was time well spent.

Review: Gorogoa screenshot

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News:: Target is no longer stocking the Super Mario Cereal

If you've been looking for the Super Mario Cereal either as a goof or for its amiibo functionality, then you're going to really dislike this news. Not even a week after release, Target stores in the US have discontinued the product and will no longer be carrying it.

Target is no longer stocking the Super Mario Cereal screenshot

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News:: Sony remembers the Vita long enough to wish it a happy birthday

I remember when I first bought my PlayStation Vita. It was early last year. I made the decision to drop $150 on a used one after spending more than half a year with my PS TV and continuously getting upset at how many games wouldn't work on it. Actually getting my hands on the device made me realize what I was missing this whole time.

The Vita is an immaculate machine. My hands never get cramped when I spend hours working my way through one of the thousand different JRPGs it has and the screen on the thing is a real beaut. Just a shame it never got the support it deserved. With a dearth of titles from Sony itself, the device was left to flail in the wind, only able to keep itself relevant thanks to a consumer base willing to spend money and a developer pool willing to dedicate time and energy to making Vita games.

We like to joke that Sony doesn't even know what a Vita is. But clearly whoever is pulling the strings on the Japanese PlayStation Twitter account knows what it is because they took time to wish the device a happy sixth anniversary.

Sony remembers the Vita long enough to wish it a happy birthday screenshot

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News:: What is the worst game you've ever played?

Since starting this weekly feature back in January, I’ve tried to keep things positive. There is so much negativity throughout gaming that the last thing we need is another article on a somewhat popular website throwing shade and trashing the art tens or dozens or hundreds of people spend years trying to make a reality. That’s what I’ve only asked happy questions, for the most part, and plan to continue doing so going forward. 

But this week? Fuck it. I’m in a mood so let’s get nasty talking about the game or games we hate the most.

One of the reasons I've avoided this topic is I couldn’t think of a game I absolutely despised. I never played E.T. or Superman 64 or all the other stereotypical games that always end up on these lists. (Side-note: Knowing what we know about E.T. and its development, can we all just agree to lay off it?) It’s not that hard for me to find fun in gaming so I end up enjoying most of the titles I play. Sure, there are some I don’t like. Aero the Acrobat for instance or last year’s Langrisser Re: Incarnation – Tensei – are both garbage titles. But I don’t hate them. They’re just bad. Major Minor’s Majestic March, however, is a game I absolutely despise.

If you haven’t heard of it, good for you. It’s a Wii-exclusive title by the Parappa the Rapper designer and artist. In it, you take control of Major Minor who leads a marching band across several maps as you attempt to keep the tempo going using the Wiimote. I was in band during high school (no surprise) so I enthusiastically bought it when it released eight years ago. The very next day I traded it into GameStop for like four dollars in credit.

Major Minor’s Majestic March is a broken game. It’s a cute concept and the artwork is adorable, but holy hell do the controls on this piece of crap completely fail and fuck over any chance of getting a good score. Like the awful Wii port of Samba de Amigo, the Wiimote has to be barely moved to work, completely ruining the Harold Hill fantasy this game is supposed to take me on. The developers might as well have just made it a standard push-button control scheme. At least then I would have been able to beat it.

I’m sure the Destructoid staff and community members will come up with more well-known titles than me to shit on, but I hope to black female Jesus I never play a game as awful as Major Minor’s Majestic March again.

What is the worst game you've ever played? screenshot

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News:: Version 5.0 announced for ARMS, releasing this year

At the recent ARMS Japan Grand Prix 2017, Nintendo showed a teaser for the upcoming Version 5.0. The teaser showcases a new character and stage, as well as possibly some more cinematic elements. The bigger surprise however was that the update would be releasing this year, with less than half a month left.

You can check out the new teaser in the stream below at the 4:56:50 mark.

Version 5.0 announced for ARMS, releasing this year screenshot

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